Brand-spanking-new Quotes Thread (with extra spanking)

[Moondog]

Cool demotivational poster bro

[The Turtle]

Will: So for this video I decided to get drunk and dance like Michael Jackson on the Freeway…

Me: Wait? You thought getting drunk, dancing like Michael Jackson, and blocking traffic on the freeway until the Cops came was a good idea?

Will: Yeah!

Me: …You fucking idiot.

[Soja]

sup roctod.

17:22:01 [DMD] Boy it would just kill you all to pick my Raiders, wouldn't it

17:22:06 [Shane] So

17:22:13 [Shane] Two men were shiprwrecked on a desert island.

17:22:20 [Shane] The only way they could get food was to throw rocks at the sea-birds.

17:22:22 [Roctod] Broncos mix it up; Tebow plays QB, Orton is WR. They are constantly in wildcat formation

17:22:26 [Shane] By the time they were rescued. . .

17:22:32 MisterSpooks is trying not to think about Silent Hill. He's been driven from his forums due to all the drama over James Sunderland's voice actor raising a bitchtrip

17:22:32 [Shane] They left no tern unstoned.

17:22:53 [Roctod] I don't know, Diver, do the Raiders play the Chiefs this season? :V

17:23:02 [Lurkdom] that might be stupid enough to work, Roc

17:23:08 [DMD] Twice, they're in our DIVISION

17:23:14 [Darklord] Roctod

17:23:14 [Lurkdom] the Raiders play the Chiefs twice. division

17:23:21 [Shane] Oh, Downpour, Downpour.

17:23:23 [Darklord] Your football fan card is REVOKED!

17:23:25 [Shane] It will either be great or awful

17:23:28 Darklord bitchslaps him

17:23:29 [Roctod] I don't care about the NFC.

17:23:31 [Lurkdom] owned, get out

17:23:35 [Shane] Not just 'average' like Homecoming.

17:23:48 [Darklord] THAT'S THE AFC YOU FUCK!

17:23:53 [Roctod] FUCK IT IS

17:23:54 Darklord bitchslaps him harder

17:23:57 [Roctod] goddamn it

17:23:58 [Lurkdom] HAHAHA

17:24:00 DMD just stares

17:24:10 [Lurkdom] to the quotes thread

[Roctod]

I hate you.  I hate everything.

[Styles]

10:57:35 [Hobo] I'm going to name my kids after strangely named weapons I've seen in video games
10:57:37 [InnocentByStander] Facebook is for loooooosers.
10:57:47 InnocentByStander has one, doesn't use it often.
10:57:47 [Slayer] >:|
10:57:49 [-=Styles=-] I'm naming my daughter Thor.
10:57:57 [Slayer] xD
10:58:17 [Axebeard] Hey hobo whats your daughters name?
10:58:20 [Axebeard] "Big Fucking Gun"
10:58:22 [Axebeard] wut
10:58:27 [-=Styles=-] xD
10:58:40 [Slayer] xDDDDDD
10:58:40 [Hobo] hell yeah

[Kai_Doll]

02:26:49 [Adrianna] Maybe... it should be love shouldn't be part of the equation, it complicates things!

02:28:22 [SSS] You're dumb.

02:28:29 [SSS] Stop removing things from the equation.

02:28:33 [SSS] That's not how math works.

02:29:01 [SSS] If you keep taking things out you're going to be left with a single variable.

02:29:05 [SSS] And that's not an equation.

02:29:08 [SSS] That's a vague concept.

02:29:17 [SSS] I'm going to keep yelling because it makes me feel impotant.

02:29:21 [SSS] Important.

02:29:33 [SSS] Tee hee. Impotent.

02:29:37 [Adrianna] Omg. xD

02:29:38 SSS yells himself flaccid.

02:29:57 Adrianna quotes.

[Kade]

23:56:19 [Manjio] I've only screwed one prostitute.
23:56:35 [Manjio] That might change in two weeks.

Dead serious. Not trolling.

[The Turtle]

Probably be a male below the age of fourteen, Kade.

[KitDreamer]

Jack throws in Dead Space.
[KitFox] fuckyeah deadpsace
[KitFox] space
[KitFox] fuck
[Roctod] psace
[Roctod] In psace no one can hear csream
[Crane] Psace the final frontier?
[Roctod] 2001: A Psace Dodyssey
[Roctod] PIIIIIGGGGGSSS IIIIIINNN PPPPSSSSAAAAAACE
[Crane] ...Spelljammer: Adventures in Wild Psace.
[Roctod] Psace Marine
[Roctod] In the 60s, Maerica and Urssia were in the Great Psace Race

[Furr]

Goddamnit, Bane.

07:32:09 [Bane] Yeah. That's just the prelude to what I was talking about though. You feel that. It's ridiculous. Only my random anus pain has been a stronger experience.

07:32:37 [Shane] . . .

07:32:46 [Chez] Bane. Dude.

07:32:49 Mercy facepalms.

07:32:50 [Chez] DUDE.

07:32:52 [Chez] =_=

07:33:12 Ghost looks back to TK. Looks away from TK again.

07:33:23 [Bane] hey, the anus pain is no laughing matter. Like, I literally almost can't stand when it hits.

07:33:44 [Shane] Like a buttsex ninja

[KitDreamer]

...

megusta.gif

[KitDreamer]

[Whimsi] I ate dinner an hour ago. Why am I hungry again?
[Whimsi] Why
[Robert] You had Chinese?
[Jack] was it asian, whimsi?
[Moondog] Azn food
[Whimsi] No...
[KitFox] that's what you get for eating asian food whimsi
[Bane] haha, your silly westernized 3-meals-a-day nonsense will get you nowhere
[Whimsi] STOP IT EVERYONE

[B[ M ]K]

12:21:10 Javi enters this room

12:21:28 [Javi] jack my swag

12:21:53 Jack buckles Javi's swash.

12:23:29 Javi swigs his swagger

12:24:27 [Javi] Are we . . .

12:24:30 [Javi] . . . are we having sex?

12:30:55 [Nnk] I don't feel anything.

12:31:19 [Jack] neither do I.

12:31:45 [Nnk] You sure you have the right hole?

12:32:17 [Jack] I'm not even sure it's the right person.

12:32:37 [Nnk] I don't think it is a person.

12:33:32 [Von] ".... what the fuck."

[KitDreamer]

12:21:10 Javi enters this room

12:21:28 [Javi] jack my swag

12:21:53 Jack buckles Javi's swash.

12:23:29 Javi swigs his swagger

12:24:27 [Javi] Are we . . .

12:24:30 [Javi] . . . are we having sex?

12:30:55 [Nnk] I don't feel anything.

12:31:19 [Jack] neither do I.

12:31:45 [Nnk] You sure you have the right hole?

12:32:17 [Jack] I'm not even sure it's the right person.

12:32:37 [Nnk] I don't think it is a person.

12:33:32 [Von] ".... what the fuck."

I have no idea what the fuck is going on in that log but that is still hilarious as balls.

[KitDreamer]

[Zhen] irfgkdfmgd,glsdf
[Zhen] My bf just sneaked up behind me, saw what I was looking at and just went... "Is there something you want to tell me?"
[Whimsi] was it vore
Zhen probably should stop looking at wedding stuff.
[Whimsi] same thhing

[Icon]

14:53:24 [Moondog] HI NNK

14:53:28 [Moondog] I love you. Let's get married.

14:53:36 [Nnk] o_o

14:53:40 [KitFox] it's a trap!

14:53:54 [KitFox] he doesn't really love you Nnk!

14:54:00 [KitFox] H-...

14:54:02 [Moondog] D:

14:54:14 [KitFox] oh wow i just realised how utterly inappropriate saying its a trap was. sorry

14:54:25 [Nnk] >_>

[Styles]

20:00:39 [Leviathan] She was mad because you weren't powdering your hands before keeping that shit strong....right?

20:00:40 [Angelo] Well good for you anyhow, regardless.

20:00:58 [Leviathan] All kidding aside, congrats.

20:01:06 [Styles] Right.

20:01:19 [Styles] I let the pimp-hand get soft and tender. She did not approve, xD

20:02:00 [Styles] Sometimes you just need to spot check a ho. I mean look at what Chris Brown did to Rhianna.

20:02:09 [Styles] Keep a bitch in check, that's how it is.

20:02:25 [Leviathan] OH SHIT.

20:02:30 Angelo squints./

20:02:43 Angelo puts his pipe to his mouth. "...Indeed."

20:02:50 [Leviathan] I was on a website...and there was one of those add banners with that" This star scored this IQ, can you beat them?"

20:03:05 [Leviathan] It was Rhianna's and it said "Can you beat her?" I almost died.

[KitDreamer]

nope.avi

[H]

nope.avi

[The Turtle]

The EPIC that is the Story of the Flubber lover (Note, this story is broken into sub sections as it has been retold with VARIOUS details each time):

A year or so ago:

Will (who woke me up by calling): "...Hey foo' whats up?"

Me (Having just woke up): "Ugh...Not much, why do you sound like you just lost a family member?"

Will: "Well dude, I hate to say this, but the other night I got super heavy drunk with my brother and this friend of mine anddddddd...Long story short I woke up next to a Fat chick the size of a fucking minivan."

Me: "...Wait what?"

Will: "Yeah dude, she was fucking disgusting..."

Me (while mentally laughing my fucking ass off): "...Aw shit man, I'm sorry."

Will: "...Yeah."

A week or so passes and Will decided to show me what the girl looks like during a random computer browzing time;

Me: "Aw shit dude, her head looks like a fricken pumpkin!"

Will: "Ugh..."

A Month or so later, while out drinking;

Will (while drunk to hell and back and talking to these two guys at a bar): "So yeah I was fucking this one fat chick dudes and I swear it was like putting my dick into the fucking batcave!"

Me and guys: "LOL!"

Will: "Yeah it was like...Nananananananana...BATMAN!"

Months later;

Will: "Yes I know it was bad...God Dude, I swear, while I was fucking her in both holes, each flaps of skin rapped around my damn body..."

Me: "Holy shit Will, what the fuck?"

Will: "Yeah, whenever I went in her Pussy, it felt like I was delving into a damn tentacle montser, whenever I went for her ass, the damn cheeks closed in around me."

Me: "LORD!"

A fucking Year later (Because, whenever he insults me about being a Virgin I usually bring this up);

Will: "Well, to top things off, the minute I woke up and realized what happened, I fucking Ran out of the house naked and drove home at like, over fifty miles over the speed limit."

Me: "Oh LOL, did you get any of yer things at least?"

Will: "Fucking no dude, I left my pants, my shirt, EVERYTHING, I had to pause my credit and debit cards and my mom yelled at me when I walked in the door!"

Me: "Jesus fucking christ, how does this story KEEP getting better and better?!"

[KitDreamer]

it sounds like he actually really enjoyed it the way he keeps going on about it.

[The Turtle]

Oh he did while he was drunk, though when he called me the morning after he sounded like he just broke up with his wife or something.

[KitDreamer]

and yet even a year later he keeps bringing it up. methinks the fellow protests too much.

[The Turtle]

Wellllll...Really, by this point its become a joke basically, that and if he insults it it is a good comeback for me to say,

[KitDreamer]

[KitFox] coming out of my cage and i've been doing just fine
[Jack] gotta gotta be down because I want it all
[Shane] on friday friday
[KenpachiRamasama] Gotta get down on friday-ay
[Roctod] It's Saturday you chucklefucks