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Author Topic: Got time to critique some dialouge?  (Read 2029 times)

ThatKidWithTheRabbit

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Got time to critique some dialouge?
« on: August 03, 2015, 10:41:52 AM »

You may or may not remember me from way back, asking for overall assistance to get better at writing. I've gotten some nifty feedback and pointers, but none of it about dialogue. Now that I've run into a rather dialogue-heavy spot, and I can't help but wonder if I'm doing it right.

I know about 'talking heads', something that I've been trying really hard to avoid. Not entirely sure if I'm succeeding. I feel like I am, but I'd prefer an outside eye, if you know what I mean.

I also think I'm on point for avoiding 'same-voice'. Y'know that thing when all the characters have the exact same vocabulary and end up 'sounding' the same as a result? That. That bugs me.

With that in mind, what advice can someone give me to keep in mind for the future? Am I succeeding or failing? And am I keeping things interesting, despite all the talking going on? There are probably other dialogue-related things I can work on that I haven't even thought of or noticed, yet. Feel free to point those out, too.

Here's the chapter to look over. And don't hold back or sugar-coat your words. I LIKE when people rip things apart: http://fav.me/d93okwj
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I'm also working on a post-apocalyptic fantasy series, if you're into that sort of thing:
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Furr

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Re: Got time to critique some dialouge?
« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2015, 11:54:05 AM »

Haven't read through it yet, but every so often, have talking characters do something while talking, like pacing around, stopping to pick at something, gaze out a window, or something.
Also, to avoid them sounding the same, settle on a mannerism for each character. Does one, like, use like, like, too much? Does another have a tendency to drawl out their speech a bit? Creole is always funny, but you kinna have to know it to write as well.

Just my two-Ýre.
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ThatKidWithTheRabbit

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Re: Got time to critique some dialouge?
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2015, 02:21:50 AM »

Haven't read through it yet, but every so often, have talking characters do something while talking, like pacing around, stopping to pick at something, gaze out a window, or something.
Also, to avoid them sounding the same, settle on a mannerism for each character. Does one, like, use like, like, too much? Does another have a tendency to drawl out their speech a bit? Creole is always funny, but you kinna have to know it to write as well.

Just my two-Ýre.

Thanks for the advice! I'll keep it in mind for the next time my warning sensors start going off.
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I'm monochrome.

I'm also working on a post-apocalyptic fantasy series, if you're into that sort of thing:
http://thatkidwiththerabbit.deviantart.com/gallery/60715933/Quiet-Book-1-Nadia

Crest

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Re: Got time to critique some dialouge?
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2015, 12:20:54 PM »

At a skim it honestly looks fine.  Visually the dialogue is staggered well.  I admit I did a very quick skim as I'm out and about, but I intend to read it more thoroughly later.  I find people actually become too obsessed with inserting small gestures and quirks in their characters and it goes from "preventing talking heads" to "characters with physical tick tourettes", so before I agree with the one above me I'll make a point to read it when I can.
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